my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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