I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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