high people should be assigned attendants
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize