alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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