she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
