I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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