im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
