I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
