I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
