I'll bet she douches with gravy.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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