in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
