I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
