youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
