And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Damn victory sex feels great
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
