Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
