Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
