Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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