why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
