checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Boobs are out for the taking
Randomize
