wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Randomize
