stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
