i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
