i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
