I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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