i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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