My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
