if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
