Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
