look no pants
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
my liver is dry heaving
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
