Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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