You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
