i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize