his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize