My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
