He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
