The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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