You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
