it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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