the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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