if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
