According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I want her autograph on my taint
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
