At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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