I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize