See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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