Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize