y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
