Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
