Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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