My liver just broke up with me...
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
