She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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