he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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