you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
