What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
