he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
