I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
