I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
