I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
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