I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
