Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
