I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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