he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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