We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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