Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
