hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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