I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
My ATM looks so different sober.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
