There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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