just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
