im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
