i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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