His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
