This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
