New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
