I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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